Projected Record: 88-74
Best Player: Jung-Lee Kojima
Random Trivia: The Dundees are not superstitious, but a little stitious.
The Dundees showed a spark at the end of last season, going 8-2 down the stretch to get the team to a respectable 0.500 record. Last year, Scranton put a scrappy offense together led by professional hitter Jung-Lee Kojima. Although they could hit, they ranked near the bottom of the league in both team ERA and fielding. The Dundees felt the staff underperformed last year, and opted to stand pat with last year's rotation. The majority of the off-season was spent reducing payroll, as the team traded Phil Dougherty for prospects. The talent is there, but will the production match the talent, or will they once again be wondering "why is this so hard?" And that, is what she said.
Projected Record: 84-78
Best Player: Sherman Moore
Random Trivia: Milwaukee's Beer Race was stopped last year. Too many people died.
The suds-swilling Wisconsinites had quite the run at greatness last year when their season ended one win short of a trip to the World Series. The media called the 'brat boys' lucky, but the general manager took those comments to heart by going after free agency with the same voracity that a fat girl goes after the all-you-can-eat buffet at the OCB. After spending nearly $50 million on Dernell Wilkerson and Bruce Roberts to bolster last year's team of destiny, Milwaukee will be looking to go from Cervezeros to Cerveheroes.
Projected Record: 83-79
Best Player: Bobby Malloy
Random Trivia: George Michael thinks this river will become an ocean. Just no faith.
There wasn't much faith in Detroit last year, as the team posted a franchise-low 64 wins. Things got so bad it was rumored half of the stadium was filled with the homeless. Unfortunately, this is Detroit, so that's the demographic. However, this year things shouldn't be nearly as bleak. The GM wisely picked up Ernie Beamon and Cliff Schofield for minimal prospects, and then signed All-Star fireman Albie Urbina to bolster a club that sported a 4.59 ERA last year. This division is anyone's guess, and if Detroit can get hot, we might see this city motor their way to a division title.
Projected Record: 68-94
Best Player: Rick Post
Random Trivia: Thomas Ian Nicholas actually does throw like a girl.
Funky buttloving, these clowns stink. Critics have wondered if the problem lies with poor management, curses, or just mediocre players. It's gotten so bad the fans have started yelling things like "Hey! We want a pitcher, not an underwear snitcher!" and "Sweet meat pies! Rowengartners' going to bat!" The team has been undergoing a youth movement over the last 3 years as it sports one of the youngest teams in the NL, led by the fireballer Oswaldo Rodriguez and all-everything catcher Rick Post. The problem may lie with owner Henry Rowengartner, who is known to show up drunk to the games and relive his days of glory on the Cubs. Well Rowengartners, much like the Cubs: there's always next year. Way to go, Runamuckers!
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