Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Winter Meatings

Serving up players on a platter, medium rare.
ORLANDO, FL -- As I sat down trying to put together the Season 14 previews, trades and free agent signings started to bounce in faster than a pogo stick on Viagra.  I quickly realized the task would be futile until the winter meetings ended.  So I flew down to Orlando to not only catch some rays, but catch up with the transactions around the league.  And now, your current winners and losers:

WINNERS

OMAHA: After nearly 3 months of trying to shove Ernie Beamon down our collective throats, the Bluffs were finally able to find a bidder, acquiring the fairly sexy Craig McFarland in return.  Add that to acquiring a lefty starter from big bad Toronto, and World Series winner Jeff Lombard from Little Rock, and you have quite the off-season.  But don't worry folks, he'll blow it in the ninth.

ANAHEIM: Resigning Sidney Cosby and adding a few pieces in the very winnable AL West is a very winnable idea.

MILWAUKEE / DERNELL WILKERSON: Milwaukee gets a guy for the top of the rotation, and Dernell gets paid.  Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

TAMPA BAY: For a new guy, he's making a splash.  Adding Pepe Perez, Tyrone Palmer, and Albert Barr to name a few.

TORONTO:  Making the Blue Jays look like idiots, since 2007.

TOM HANKS:  If Tom Hanks isn't a winner, who is?

LOSERS

CINCINNATI:  Only because he missed budget day.  It's more unfortunate than anything.

MONTERREY: With an average age of 34, the rotation is now being held together with a smear of Poligrip and Preparation H.

The city of SAN ANTONIO:  Sorry fans, it's rebuild mode.  The groundhog saw his shadow. It's gonna be a long winter.

IDLE TEAMS: Because if you don't use it, you do in fact lose it.

HENRY ROWENGARTNER: It's been all downhill since he tried to "float it" through the entire 1994 season to the tune of a 46.32 ERA.  Now he's messing up that Madison team.

Stay tuned, more to come later....

1 comment:

  1. WILL SOMEONE JUST PLEASE TAKE ERNIE BEAMON??? CHRIST!

    ReplyDelete