Serving up players on a platter, medium rare. |
WINNERS
OMAHA: After nearly 3 months of trying to shove Ernie Beamon down our collective throats, the Bluffs were finally able to find a bidder, acquiring the fairly sexy Craig McFarland in return. Add that to acquiring a lefty starter from big bad Toronto, and World Series winner Jeff Lombard from Little Rock, and you have quite the off-season. But don't worry folks, he'll blow it in the ninth.
ANAHEIM: Resigning Sidney Cosby and adding a few pieces in the very winnable AL West is a very winnable idea.
MILWAUKEE / DERNELL WILKERSON: Milwaukee gets a guy for the top of the rotation, and Dernell gets paid. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
TAMPA BAY: For a new guy, he's making a splash. Adding Pepe Perez, Tyrone Palmer, and Albert Barr to name a few.
TORONTO: Making the Blue Jays look like idiots, since 2007.
TOM HANKS: If Tom Hanks isn't a winner, who is?
LOSERS
CINCINNATI: Only because he missed budget day. It's more unfortunate than anything.
MONTERREY: With an average age of 34, the rotation is now being held together with a smear of Poligrip and Preparation H.
The city of SAN ANTONIO: Sorry fans, it's rebuild mode. The groundhog saw his shadow. It's gonna be a long winter.
IDLE TEAMS: Because if you don't use it, you do in fact lose it.
HENRY ROWENGARTNER: It's been all downhill since he tried to "float it" through the entire 1994 season to the tune of a 46.32 ERA. Now he's messing up that Madison team.
Stay tuned, more to come later....
WILL SOMEONE JUST PLEASE TAKE ERNIE BEAMON??? CHRIST!
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