Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Hometown Season 19 Preview

It was all fun and games until they died of heat stroke.
Welcome.  Hometown Season 19.  Preview. Star Wars Version.  Thanks Japan.

The only thing menacing about these teams is the stink coming from the clubhouse.  Plus, is there no greater motivation than having your team compared to "The Phantom Menace?" 
CGI racism at its finest.
32. Chicago - Which roster is worse, this Chicago team or the actual Chicago Cubs? 
31. Montreal - Let's see how this plan goes... 
30. Philadelphia - Putting the Ph in Phailure since season 2.
29. Cheyenne - Give this team time, it will be back.
28. Jacksonville - Still a couple years away, but some fine pieces in the minors.
27. Rochester - If Jimmie Johnson throws a no-hitter in the woods and no one sees it, does it count?

One of the more misleading titles since "Naked Lunch," "Attack of the Clones" is more like 2 hours of terrible will they, won't they romance.  These teams have a similar will they, won't they approach to winning.
Picnics and Star Wars: like ice cream on pizza.
26. Kansas City - Starting to acquire some talent in the minors. 
25. Tampa Bay - Roger Clemens needs to start pulling his weight and go 50/90. 
24. Richmond - Hasn't made a trade since season 5.  Coincidentally only made the playoffs once since then. 
23. Fresno - New name, new city, now just needs new roster. 
22. Milwaukee - Player mishandling has the GM on the hot seat.
21. Wichita - As Wichita falls, so falls Wichita Falls. 
20. Arizona - I can honestly say I have no idea what's going on in Arizona.  Rebuilding but signing old players to big contracts?  Too much caffeinated iced tea? 

Sometimes these titles just work well.  Each one of these teams have "hope."
Harrison Ford, right, with wife Calista Flockhart, left.
19. Salem - Pseudo rebuild has Salem in limbo.
18. Charlotte - No interest.
17. St Louis - Stuck in the middle.  Seems no one wants to Meet him in St. Louis.
16. Scranton - Taking a play from Arizona, no one knows what's going on in Scranton.
15. New York - Activity in free agency breathes new hope for the wild card.
14. Atlanta - Can't be as bad as last year's debacle.  Right Gabe?
13. Houston - Seems to be doing things right.

These are returning playoff quality teams that are looking to become Hometown's elite.
Crossing streams.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

12. Cincinnati - Heartbreak from last season turns into revenge this season. 
11. Washington D.C. - Age might finally be catching up here. 
10. Vancouver - Once again my upset pick.  I swear I will be right someday.
9. Monterrey - Cuz if he can't help being swept in the s.18 playoffs, you can be damn well sure he'll avenge it.
8. Texas - Whoa.  Acquired 2 legit starters in the off-season.  2 legit 2 quit.
7. Helena - Trying the Dan Snyder approach to winning.

The empire still runs Hometown, so technically there's no "striking back."  Just more "striking again."
Gross.  Dude, where has that hand been?

6. Sacramento - Big off-season.  This guy actually knows what he's doing.  Refreshing.  Just like mentos.
5. Pawtucket - Team has gotten better every year.  World chat posts have gotten cheesier every year.
4. Little Rock - Not quite the powerhouse he once was.
3. Buffalo - Same roster is back.  Same results?
2. Madison - Expensive roster needs to win now.
1. Toronto - America's hat once again wears Hometown's crown.

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