Thursday, September 13, 2012

Draft Recap: Season 20

After a few seasons of hot garbage, this was one hell of a draft.  Because my scouting is so bad, some players have been ghost written.  Also each player has been compared to a current major leaguer in Hometown.  Let's recap this thing -

# Franchise Player Pos Age
1 PHI Fighting Quakers F.P. Jeter LF  22
F.P. is probably thinking "F. Me...I'm going to Philly."
Hometown Comparison: Albert Diaz, Mil
Draft Grade: A

2 MIL MooMoos Horacio Rodriguez P  18
No one entirely compares to Hor-Rod in Hometown.  Great player, but in this slot there were better choices, like...
Hometown Comparison: Shep Flynn, VC
Draft Grade: B+

3 CH1 Curses Cleatus Easley SS  19
Cleatus the slack-jawed-shortstop-playing yokel.  For my money, the best player in the draft.
Hometown Comparison: Sawyer Venafro, Mil
Draft Grade: A+

4 MON Midget Mafia Howie McDowell P  18
At 5'11, Howie's a little tall to be in a Canadian mafia full of midgets.
Hometown Comparison: Gerald Fowler, LR
Draft Grade: A

5 CH1 Curses Rick Garland C  20
Obviously, all the good catchers are black.  Huh?
Hometown Comparison: Kelvin Roth, Jax
Draft Grade: A

6 RIC Cavaliers Jim McCracken P  18
% chance he'll be traded?  I'm thinking a of a number that's equal to the number of Yankees World Series in the last 100 years multiplied by the number of Cubs World Series in the last 100 years...
Hometown Comparison: Harry Palmeiro, Buf
Draft Grade: A

7 ATL Braves Ellis Gosling SS  21
Looks like Gosling wised up and went back to school.  Stay in school kids.  Say no to the DL.
Hometown Comparison: Rodrigo Martinez, Ari
Draft Grade: C

8 CHY McGees Alex Okajima P  19
Building a powerhouse from the ground up.
Hometown Comparison: Will York, Cha
Draft Grade: A

9 KC Tornados Casey White SS  18
You know I just realized unless it's not English, 'Tornados' is spelled wrong.
Hometown Comparison: Will Dunham, Wic
Draft Grade: A-

10 ROC Ramblers Benny Cervantes RF  18
In desperate need of offense, the ramblin' man takes a poor man's...
Hometown Comparison: Omar Rodriguez, Mad
Draft Grade: A

11 FRE Horned Serpents Dennis Bailey 2B  18
Good pick at 11.  He's close, but not quite as good as...
Hometown Comparison: Buddy Dupler, Ric
Draft Grade: A

12 STL Lunatics Joe Ramirez RF  18
Shockingly, STL is one of only 4 franchises to never win a division in Hometown.  Ramirez isn't going to do much to change that...
Hometown Comparison: Juan Gomez, Ari
Draft Grade: C+

13 VC Primetimers Duffy Heathcott P  19
Yeah, so he drafted Duffy.  What's it to ya?  Ya don't like it? STFU! No tirades, no discussions, no soliloquys (sp.). Just STFU!
Hometown Comparison: Pepe Cordero, KC
Draft Grade: A-

14 JAX Shufflers Terrence Booker CF  18
I felt a little reach here, but he can certainly book it in center.
Hometown Comparison: Victor Ramirez, NY
Draft Grade: B

15 MTY Jack Cheese Ryan Stults P  20
There is literally nothing interesting about this pick.  But it didn't suck, so there's that.
Hometown Comparison: Ken Tracy, Jax
Draft Grade: A

16 NY2 Vinnies Bob Patton C  22
Apparently except this whitey...
Hometown Comparison: Valerio Sanchez, KC
Draft Grade: B+

17 SAL Slims James Saipe P  18
Honestly no one compares, but the closest I can find is...
Hometown Comparison: Garry Fischer, Mad
Draft Grade: A

18 SWB Dundees Victor James SS  18
I'm guessing Victor James will not bother buying a house in Scranton...
Hometown Comparison: Esteban Guerrero, Mon
Draft Grade: B+

19 NY2 Vinnies Cookie Perez C  21
Remember that movie where Robert De Niro is calling Cuba Gooding 'Cookie'?  Yeah me neither.
Hometown Comparison: Wayne Williams, Buf
Draft Grade: B-

20 WAS D.C. Senators J.R. Wells P  18
Most of Washington's ML squad is as old as J.R.'s relative, H.G. Wells.
Hometown Comparison: Alfredo Strickland, Tor
Draft Grade: A

21 ARI Green Tea B.J. Fonville P  18
I'm not entirely in Fondville with Fonville...
Hometown Comparison: Cecil Cuyler, Was
Draft Grade: B-

22 LR Patriots Brian Suzuki LF  22
Suzuki the player is like Suzuki the car.  Not bad, but does anyone really want one?
Hometown Comparison: Denny Hyers, VC
Draft Grade: B

23 CHA Banjo Hitters Roman Hutton 2B  22
Hutton is like purgatory.  He isn't bad.  He's not that good, but he isn't that bad.
Hometown Comparison: Aurelio Belliard, Ari
Draft Grade: B

24 TB Florida Retirees Robert Gross LF  19
Picking Gross was certainly not gross, as he's the corner outfield version of...
Hometown Comparison: Torey Duran, Was
Draft Grade: A

25 MTY Jack Cheese Rich Rice P  22
Ironic name, as the only one ever to get rich off rice was Uncle Ben.
Hometown Comparison: Jackie Wall, Atl
Draft Grade: A-

26 TEX Instruments Andrew Upshaw 3B  20
Texas going crazy and drafting someone with more than 45 health?
Hometown Comparison: Stephen Morris, Mty
Draft Grade: A-

27 WIC Gnats Paulie Seay P  18
Seay it ain't so a-whoa-whoa, your slurve isn't a knee buckler.
Hometown Comparison: Steven Gilbert, Fre
Draft Grade: C+

28 CIN Red Stockings Gavin Haas P  18
Quite the draft rape.
Hometown Comparison:  Nolan Strickland, Jax
Draft Grade: A-

29 SAC Fresh Makers Ivan Gonzales 1B  22
Very sinister looking...
Hometown Comparison:  Damian Mills, NY2
Draft Grade: A-

30 HEL Handbaskets Aurelio Garza P  18
Wonder what made him pick this guy?
Hometown Comparison:  Marquis Neill, Sac
Draft Grade: A-

31 BUF Wild Wings Erick Webster 3B  21
What's he supposed to do?  It just came to him.  Otherwise known as the "Ben Roethlisberger Defense."
Hometown Comparison: Cap Hewson, Hel
Draft Grade: B

32 MAD Rowengartners Rob Monroe P  18
Lefty relievers are like parking spots...the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Hometown Comparison:  Jim Holder, Tex
Draft Grade: B

33TOR FivTsNorm TowersSS 18

Not sure what happened here...
Hometown Comparison: Jesus Rivera, Fre
Draft Grade: C

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