Hometown Season 22: The Awards Show

Now that we've reached the end of the regular season, it's time to celebrate.  In the tradition of the People's Choice Awards, the Annual Critics' Choice Awards, the Miss America Pageant, the Golden Globe Awards, the Annual Stellar Gospel Music Awards, the NASCAR Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, the Annual Grammy Awards, the Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, the NAACP Image Awards, the British Academy Film (BAFTA) Awards, the Film Independent Spirit Awards, the Academy Awards, the Kids’ Choice Awards, the mtvU Woodie Awards, the NewNowNext Awards, the Billboard Latin Music Awards, the TV Land Awards, the Comedy Awards, the James Beard Foundation Awards, the Rock and Roll Music Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, the CMT Music Awards, the ESPY’s, the VHI Divas, the Bronko Nagurski Awards, the Do Something! Awards, the Honda Sports Awards, the NBA Social Media Awards, the BET Hip Hop Awards, the Premios De La Radio Awards, the MuchMusic Video Awards, and of course the Celebration of Gospel Awards, it's time for our very own award show.

I now present the 1st Annual Hometown HBD Awards.


BEST EXCESSIVE SOUND MIXING, WORLD CHAT
The nominees are:
stevelippo (HEL): "FuckFuckFuckFuckFuck Helena Handbaskets vs. New York NUTS"
stevelippo (HEL): "Ding Ding Ding"
bjschumacher (TAC): "It has taken this long for the plan to come to full fruition. But the time is finally here. HAA HA HA HA Ha ha ha hahahahah..." 

And the Hometownie goes to...
stevelippo (HEL), for "FuckFuckFuckFuckFuck Helena Handbaskets vs. New York NUTS"!

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS, WINS TO TALENT RATIO
The nominees are:
New York NUTS: 79 wins. Talent?  Like a young Brandon Lee.  After he was shot.
Helena Handbasket: 89 wins.  Talent?  Aged and terrible.  Like a 90 year old Channing Tatum.
Tacoma Sounds Puget: 97 wins.  Talent?  Umm well...I hear that Kawakami is a Hall of Famer?  Like a romantic comedy starring Steven Seagal and Lindsay Lohan.

And the Hometownie goes to...
Tacoma Sounds Puget!

BEST ADAPTED WORLD CHAT POST 
The nominees are: 
stevelippo (HEL): "I complain on a worldwide level," adapted from "Have Gun - Will Grumble."
rtmoney13 (KC): "I am enjoying this down year for Madison.  I am excited to be 47-36 and only be 16 games out.  Woo Hoo!" adapted from "Groundhog Day." 
barber0306 (BUF): "Sending my fastest Wild Wing to deliver you a message: Fist Yourself," adapted from "Schindler's Fist."
tpeldiak (PAW): "Bill Self can blow me," adapted from "Men in Black Men."

And the Hometownie goes to...
rtmoney13 (KC)!

BEST ORIGINAL WORST WORLD CHAT POST 

The nominees are:

blaank182 (LA): "I fell asleep at the graph, can we do. PowerPoint presentation in 3 years?"

blaank182 (LA): "I've lived in every time zone of the Continental US, Evanston wins!" 

blaank182 (LA): "Al's...no thanks." 

gman981981 (TOR):  "That's the quite the lofty goal."
bjohara1 (MIL): "Even though my scouting is lower I can be positive that he will never reach a stamina higher than 58 b/c that's my projection. You are lucky to hit your projections. Come on now you should know that."

bjschumacher (TAC):“Kawakami will be a stud. He'll improve my pitching staff's ERA by at least 10%, and he's thrown out 45% of would-be base stealers in the minors. And he can play a good first base, also. And fill in at right field. Unfortunately, he’ll never be voted into the HOF, because people only focus on offense. “ 
musketeer22 (CIN): "Nice turnaround bomb."

And the Hometownie goes to...
bjohara1 (MIL)!

BEST FOREIGN USE OF A PLAYER
The nominees are:
Milwaukee: Sawyer Venafro, SS: 154 games, 41 errors, 9 minus plays.
Philadelphia: Tyreace Rose, SS: 89 games, 40 errors, 9 minus plays.
Richmond: Pete Rosales, CF: 162 games, 35 errors, 10 minus plays.
Arizona: Jocko Washington, 3B: 162 games, 38 errors, 20 minus plays.

And the Hometownie goes to...
Philadelphia, Tyreace Rose!  The .281 OBP makes up for all those errors.

HOMETOWN HONORARY AWARD, LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT IN BITCHING
And the Hometownie goes to...stevelippo!

To accept the award, ladies and gentlemen, stevelippo:
"I just lost to Rob Eyre. Are you F*%#ing kidding me? I hate this game." 

BEST SEASON-LONG CHOKE-FEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
The nominees are:
Little Rock Patriots: "Little Rocks, Little Women"
Monterrey Jack Cheese: "The Cheese Stands Alone" 
Texas Instruments: "Sad Trombone"
Cheyenne McGees: "The Hunt for Indian Red October"

And the Hometownie goes to...
Little Rock Patriots, "Little Rocks, Little Women"!

BEST DIRECTOR OF AN MVP SEASON, SNUBBED
The nominees are:
Rick Post, MAD: First player in Hometown history to hit .370, 2nd in ML in OPS
Pete Crosby, MAD: Led ML in RBI and OPS, led NL in many offensive categories
Russ Neal, CHI: Hit .352, first in AL in OPS and Runs Created per 27
Luis Ramirez, TOR:  .330, 35 HR, 131 RBI, 2nd in AL in OPS

And the Hometownie goes to...
Rick Post, MAD!

BEST ACTOR, DRAMA OR COMEDY
The nominees are:
Alex Noesi, Philadelphia: for portraying MVP nominee "Alex" in "Hometown: Season 22"
Michel Alvarez, Tacoma: for portraying major league caliber pitcher "Michel" in "Tacoma: Field of Glitches"
Mac Gunderson, Rochester: for portraying 15 game winner "Mac" in "The Unusual Suspect."

And the Hometownie goes to...
Mac Gunderson, Rochester!

BEST FAILED PREDICTION, COMEDY
The nominees are:
broncosboy (MEM): 
Prediction: "I disagree with you on Mizzou, they have underperformed so badly to date. I think they are a team that could make a splash in March. Reminds me of when Quin took a team to Elite 8 after watching them underperform all season."
Result: Smashed by Colorado State in the First Round.
rtmoney13 (KAN):
Prediction: "The plan is to go 2 - 2 against Madison this year, as opposed to the usual 0-4 start to a Kansas City season."
Result: 0-4.  An oldie but a goodie.
barber0306 (BUF): 
Prediction: "I'm wondering if Tom Nichols will end with 80+ home runs."
Result: 60 hrs.  Great total, but 20 off, or roughly the amount of wins the Wild Wings gave up by trading Herman Lewis.
dabomb163783 (MON): 
Prediction: "The AL North is all over .500 win %. I'm 2-8 in the Division and 15-8 outside of it. I'm hoping to finally put a competitive team on the field an prove that preaseason blogger incorrect. :)"
Result: 68 wins.  Last place by 22 games.

And the Hometownie goes to...
dabomb163783 (MON)! (remember: the blogger is never wrong!)

BEST PICTURE 
The nominees are:
Scranton Dundees: "Dr. Tanklove or: How I Learned to Stop Trying and Love the Losses"
New York NUTS: "Dial M for Missing"
Jacksonville Shufflers: "Die Easy"
Tampa Bay Florida Retirees: "Apocalypse Nowish"
Salem Slims: "Moby Dicked"
Sacramento Sonics: "Semi-Sonic Metal Jacket"
Charlotte Banjo Hitters: "Deliverance 2: More Banjo"
Wichita Gnats: "October Skyfall"
Richmond Cavaliers: "A.I."
Washington D.C. Senators: "Mr. Chase Goes to Washington Elementary"
Houston Hounds: "The Hound of the Loservilles"
St. Louis Lunatics: "Dude Where's My Team?"
Arizona Prickly Pears: "Lowering Arizona"

And the Hometownie goes to...
Jacksonville Shufflers: "Die Easy"!



Till next season.